


i'll watch your life in pictures

by alittlebitoflight



Series: my kiss can mend your broken heart [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-10 00:47:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12900393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitoflight/pseuds/alittlebitoflight
Summary: “i know we were never officially together or anything but seeing that picture you posted on [insert social media] with him/her literally felt like you carved my heart out of my chest and stomped on it and i’m not really sure why i’m leaving this voicemail but my pillow still smells like you and i miss your stupid face”





	i'll watch your life in pictures

**Author's Note:**

> me? projecting onto my characters? it's more likely than you think.
> 
> enjoy this while i neglect literally all of my other fics

_i love you._  
  
connor woke with a start. he sat up in bed and shook his head, trying to get the image of evan to go away.  
  
_evan_.  
  
it had been so long since he left. connor didn't understand why he was still hung up on him.  
  
he turned and lay back against the forest green sheets. sleep was no longer an option as connor was suddenly engulfed in the scent of pine and cotton candy. a weird mix, but a mix that felt like home to connor nonetheless.  
  
_evan evan evan evan_  
  
connor sighed, rubbing his eyes with his palms.  
  
evan had gotten the sheets for him. a birthday gift.  
  
_"that way, you don't blend in with your bed," he had said, giggling. god, connor loved his laugh._  
  
he didn't know what made him decide that going through evan's instagram was a good idea, but connor found himself typing in the username he - for some reason - had memorized.  
  
connor had expected some well-angled pictures of trees, maybe even a couple of selfies with jared.  
  
what connor wasn't expecting was to see a picture of evan and another guy that connor didn't recognize. the stranger was kissing evan's cheek as he smiled that nose-crinkling smile that connor loved so much. the caption read "king of my heart".  
  
evan had always wanted to keep their relationship away from social media. said he thought it was pointless to broadcast a love that only they could experience.  
  
_he was just ashamed of you._  
  
connor shook his head, trying to stop the tears from forming in his eyes.  _nonono._  
  
he didn't understand why he even cared. evan had made it obvious when they broke up that he didn't want anything to do with connor. so why did connor want everything to do with evan?  
  
what connor also didn't understand was why he had dialed evan's number into his phone, his finger above the call button. he didn't understand why he pressed it, either. connor couldn't understand a lot of things, lately.  
  
connor's breath hitched as a voice sounded through the phone.  
  
_"hello! this is evan hansen! i can't make it to the phone right now, so leave a message or send a text! thanks!"_  
  
he hadn't heard evan's voice in so long, he was beginning to forget how it sounded. the thought made connor's heart sink.  
  
the sound of a beep cut off connor's thoughts. he hadn't even thought about what he was going to say. _you never think._  
  
"hi. i don't know why im calling you. and at four am, nonetheless... i-i know we ended things a while ago... it's just- it's just that my pillow still smells like you? which is weird because it's almost been three months now? and the smell should be gone by now but it's not. it's still here. _you're_ still here. except. except you're not. and i don't think im ever going to be okay with that. i know you said things would be better, but then why do i feel so broken without you? im missing half of me, evan, and it's like it doesn't even matter to you anymore. i mean, im glad you found someone who makes you happy but i just- i just wish it could've been me, you know?"  
  
connor was quiet for a second.  
  
"i think the funniest thing is, though, after all you put me through, i still fucking love you-"  
  
* _beep*_  
  
_"would you like to send, rerecord, or delete this message?"_  
  
connor hesitated over the send button. _was any of this even worth it? was there a point?_  he couldn't see what this would accomplish. ruin a good relationship? make evan miserable,  _again?_ even though that probably wouldn't happen, connor still wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt if those things happened. he pressed down.  
  
_message deleted._


End file.
